Father’s betrayal prompts daughter to change name

This week’s Dear Margo includes a terrible story about a father who passed off his live in mistress as a long lost daughter. He claimed that the “daughter” was from a relationship he had in his early 20s and the family bought it.  They welcomed her with open arms and included her in family events until one day the real daughter came home from college a day early to find her father and the mistress having sex.   Real daughter called her mother, who came immediately home to confront her husband and fake daughter/mistress.  The father/husband then had the nerve to say he wanted to flaunt his (fake) “daughter” to the family because he was making up for lost time in the sex department.  His wife filed for divorce.  Real daughter understandably wants nothing to do with the man and has therefore changed her last name to her mom’s maiden.

Although a situation like this isn’t common– thank goodness– the desire to change a name that’s associated with a difficult past is.  I see it all the time in my consulting practice.  Whether it’s because of a link to a childhood abuser, a source of frequent teasing and harassment, or a remnant of an unhappy marriage, a name that has baggage is often discarded.  It’s absolutely reasonable to choose a name that feels good.  Mother’s maiden sounds like a great solution in this case.  Real daughter, if you’re out there reading, let me know how the new name is working out!